Dear Diary : Burning things 2

When I came home after work the same scene I left at Aunty Nana's house earlier today met me at home,  only this time there was Ifem and no Aunty Nana.

"Hi everyone" I said cheerfully walking past them and ignoring the still crying Evelyn!

"Ure you are so heartless, I was told how you attacked Evelyn even when you know the poor girl had her heart broken by someone she has loved and lived with for four years!  That's not fair,  we all know how painful and traumatic heartbreaks can be. The least you can do is to be nice it costs nothing.  She is your friend! Ifem shouted at me.

"Ifem are you high? Are you sure you are normal atall? What is my business with Miss Goody-two-shoes who was stupid enough to let a guy cultivate her farm without dividend for four whole years? Am I now the heartbreak police? Abeg free me. What do you expect me to do? Pamper and breastfeed her? Take her out to dinner?or even go kill Osa's on her behalf?

"Ure you just heartless,  admit it,  don't be feeling fly now because you are dating that little shit,  one day this might happen,  it will be your turn and.....

"That little shit finance and bankroll my life without wasting my mascara,  that little shit respects and love me,  that little shit never weed my farm not to talk of senselessly cultivating it,  should I go on? I was equally shouting back at her

"All I am saying is that you are very wicked and heartless,  said Ifem.

"YOU keep repeating how wicked I am over and over again Ifem,  may I ask you who have once took her "sweetheart's"  toothbrush to a public toilet, washed the toilet with it, returned it safely to the "Sweetheart's" toilet? Then watch him brush his teeth with the toothbrush, while you  Miz Heartful  massaged his back?

"Who once allowed her guy to wash her plate even when she knew is that time of the month? Ans: Miz so-kind

"Who once used her own urine to mix Pap for her father because "Randy Daddy" was screwing outside?

"who once u...... "Ure you have made your point" Jesus! Ifem did you do all these? Lucy asked

Ifem was walking away

"Oh yes,  come back let's discuss wickedness and heartless,  so you know I am still a learner in that department,  My dear Osa is very lucky,  had he been messing with you,  that car will be charcoal by now" I said to her retreating back

"Ure please is OK,  and shut up Evelyn,  what is it?  Said Nkechi

Is Stretch Marks Something To Be Ashamed Of?

Stretch marks Look likes scars/or ugly veins and can be engraved deeply on the skin. They are Caused from pregnancy or sudden growth or sports and also whenever rapid weight loss Or gain occurs, basically they appear when there is not enough skin, or to much skin,for your weight!

Stretch marks are like scars in the respect that they will never completely disappear.

It is almost the number one cause of low self esteem on Plus sized ladies.

Not all ladies have it though, some are so lucky they never get the stretchy even after childbirth, some never put to bed yet their body can best be described as stretch mark billboard.

Stretch mark is A form of scarring generally associated with pregnancy, obesity, bodybuilding, and — to a lesser extent — puberty. They come
about as skin is overstretched, disrupting the normal production of collagen. They first appear as reddish or purplish lines, but tend to gradually fade to a lighter color.

They can appear anywhere on the skin that  has been stretched, in males and females.  But females are majority of people that  have them, but
regardless, they cause most people shame and emotional distress. Some people choose to make the best of them and wear them as type of badge of honor.

A lot of lotions and creams have been projected to be totally effective in removing stretch marks, but am yet to see any prove, some get rid of it through tummy tuck, but they always leave a very ugly permanent scar.

Bio-Oil is the popular cream in Nigerian market for treating stretch marks, though down here we always have two class of stretch marks
(A) The Natural one caused by hormones
(B) The artificial one caused by creams

HAVE you ever effectively get rid of stretch mark?
What remedy worked for you?
Have you ever get rid of stretch mark with Bio-oil?
Share with us, let's learn from your experiences.

Dear Diary : Burning Things.... 1

Dennis brought my phone to me,  I was almost done braiding a customers hair,  The phone started ringing as I touched it.
Aunty Nana's name was displayed on the screen.

"Hello Aunty"  I said into the receiver

"" Ure can you come down to my place when you are less busy? We have an emergency,  please hurry ""

"Alright Aunty,  30mins more I will be with you ""

I resumed the ritual of hot water soaking of the braids then thinking what would make Aunty Nana call me.

I finished in less than ten minutes,  excused myself from the customer, got permission from My Madam to go.

I walked into Aunty Nana's place,  her house girl asked me to join her upstairs.  Aunty Nana opened the door herself and was peering past me as if she was expecting a mob with me. 

Strange I thought to myself.

She lead the way to her sitting room and I was shocked to see Lucy,  Nkechi,  Daisy and a very haggard looking Evelyn. 
"What's going on here" I asked puzzled.

Evelyn was avoiding my gaze and was dabbing her eyes with a tissue paper supplied by Aunty Nana who is also patting her back and mumbling something to her.

I sat down waiting for an explanation,  when I got none,  I started looking at my wrist watch pretending I was checking the time and also to show I don't have much time,  I was impatient.

"Ure you buy new watch? You never wear a working wrist watch,  that's why I ask" Said Daisy adjusting herself to check my watch.

I gave her a dirty look for that.....

"Ure something terrible happened today,  Evelyn  burned down Carl's car this morning,  she met a girl at the house,  she was so furious,  that she borrowed matches from a neighbor and set the car on fire,  when the car started burning and exploded she got scared and ran.  She is here now and needs protection" Aunty Nana was explaining to me,  while Evelyn was sobbing and shedding tears,  then she started wailing loudly,  her nose was leaking too,  the tears ran down her face to meet the nose then the liquid joins her mouth while she swallow some and spit out some.

"I am confused here,  Ivie can you shut up for once ? You burned down a car in a jealously induced rage,  don't kill yourself"  but prepare to go to jail I said to her

That made her wail even more loudly

" she came to the house for sanctuary,  I don't want her to get us into trouble that's why I brought her to Aunty Nana's place,  Carl knows our house,  and that's the first place he will look,  I have already alerted Ifem at work in case she see Carl at her branch " explained Nkechi

" Better pikin" I said to her

"I think we should go over to Carl's place to find out the level of damage and apologize to him,  I don't want to be constantly watching my back, we all know Carl and what he is capable of,  and he knows of our friendship with Ivie,  Evelyn I mean " said Lucy

" Yes is better we disassociate ourselves from this matter on time,  Carl was a cult boy back at UniBen,  Ivie won't go scotfree and Carl might punish us as well " said a very frightened Daisy

" YOU people are just chickens " I said looking at Lucy, Nkechi, Daisy and Ivie. So you all believed Ivie burned down Osas's car?  She fit? If it had happened we would be at her funeral not gathered here watching her enjoy a cocktail of her tears and runny nose.  Ivie tell us the truth did you or did you not burn down the car?

"I... She started sobbing again,  Nkechi have to elbow her hard on her ribs.

"I nearly burned down the car,  I saw the girl kissing Osa I was furious,  Osa said she is his Fiancee and he pushed me out of his house and banged his door.  I asked his neighbour for matches he gave me,  I went downstairs to the car,  I gathered paper,  put it under the car,  light the matches but breeze kept on extinguishing it.  That was when Osa came down,  slapped me and throw my clothes at me then warned me never to cross his Street in my life,  I... I..... I..

"What did I tell you people?  The Ivie I know will never have Liver to burn a toy car" I said triumphantly

Aunty Nana you self know Osa nah,  forget his new name Carl,  Osa will strangle Ivie one hand,  this is not an emergency, to warrant pulling me out from work.

when they were playing love all over the town,  I no tell you Ivie, that this day will come? I no tell you?  Did you listen? No you didn't,  love was shacking you,  I am surprised you did not arm yourself with a shotgun and blow your brains off!  Abeg I am going back to work someone should get her a big bucket to fill it with tears......

imagine! Some girls are fools,,  they will be dating a guy that is not dating them! .

Dear Diary : Today was a good day. ...

"Ure come and see your Husband on Television"   I heard Lucy shouting from the sitting room.
I rushed out only to see the Footballer Wayne Rooney chasing leather all over the field!

"Hia" i hissed

"Every Wayne is your husband now oo" said Ifem

All of them doubled over with laughter

"Abeg my Wayne is more handsome "I said to them sitting down.

"Is it me or has anybody else notice the way Ure says My Wayne lately with dreamy loving eyes? Ifem asked the girls

"yes oo,  Ure is so in love says Daisy

" me too I noticed it" says Lucy

"who is Wayne Kwa asked Nkechi

"see Ure gradually falling in Love with that smallie,  after she will deny shagging him,  I can't descend so low,  boys are boys they are not yet Men,  slippers get size abeg" Ifem said.

"Oh please Ifem get a life,  conji is seriously calling your name,  must everything you think be Shagg? Sex and sucking?  if I have shagged Wayne I will tell you girls,  what's there,  Ifem I am not you abeg,  go shagg somebody,  your branch manager for a start,  Yes Kingsley fucked up but it does not mean my home girl won't shagg again " I said

" "Ure you know me nah,  Kingsley is history now,  go suck Waynes junior or even breastfeed him joor,  hahahaha.

"Ure won't you choose Wayne Rooney over Wayne weasel assuming Rooney wants to marry you? Asked Lucy,  with everybody laughing harder now.

"Nne I wish Rooney wants to marry me ooo,  ha who no like better thing?  I won't wait for him to ask Will you Marry me finish,  I will stop him at Will you,  snatch the ring from him,  put in my finger and say, "Yes my love I will marry you"

"Criminal" said Ifem laughing

"What if he wants to say "Will you check out this ring for me?  And you have already snatched it and wear?  Asked Daisy

" Or maybe he was holding the ring and he ask Ure,  will you pass me salt?  By then Ure has already snatched person ring put for finger " Nkechi said

" I will support Ure in this oooo,  once he is wealthy I don't care who the ring belongs to,  if he is not proposing,  I will leave with the ring,  go sell am for Mallam at Liverpool Apapa or Liverpool London depending on the location,  wetin kwoncern me".  Ifem said

All of us where laughing so hard Nkechi's tummy was moving up and down.

"What are we doing at home on a Saturday night bikonu? So none us has a date? I am ashamed oo,  even Ure sef is home,  where is Wayne? Asked Lucy

"he is out with friends" I said

"Aha I said it,  the disadvantages of dating little boys,  they will still go back to their mates" said Ifem

"Oh shut up Ifem,  I know what you are up to but you won't draw me into one of your silly debates. Yes he is off with his mates,  no big deal"  I said

"Daisy call Shade abeg let's follow her to Island club or Ikoyi club says Lucy

"Oh no not Shade,  I won't go with you girls,  that Shade brings out the worst in me"

"Not only you Ure,   with her silly bragging, " Otunba Ajose gave me one million naira yesterday,  I slept with Pasuma Wonder last week, Eko hotels has new a Lobby now........... mtsheeeeeeew Ifem hissed

"so Shade still behaves like a toddler eh,  I thought she married that her guy then,  what's his name...... Ermmm.... Chai.. Ehen Dimeji,  did they not marry again? Asked Nkechi

"Let me gist you nah,  Shade thought her Dimeji was Dimeji Bankole that minister nah,  you know she is an illiterate,  turns out all Dimeji no be Bankole oooo, hahahaha,  Chai I love Oga Nemesis,  she thinks life is all about shagging those rich yoruba men that buys her cars" Ifem said

"Ifem stop beefing the poor girl,  she buys you Lace materials when she travels out,  remember that before you join Ure to beef her " Lucy said to Ifem

"should I call her or not? Asked Daisy

" NO" We all shouted in unison

"YOU know Lu it is an insult to me by saying Shade buys me Lace, what  lace? "those cheap bend down select, oshodi oke Lace she picks for dash over there?  Tell her to upgrade to paying my house rent then I will worship her and sing her praises,  unlike you who she gives bags that have already peel finish.  Who dashing Lace don help?  Mtsheeeeeeeeeeest mtsheeeeeeew Ifem hissed again clearly pissed. Her face purple now.

"Ifem you know Shade is nice,  stop trying to rubbish her because you see Ure and Nkechi here" said Lucy

"And why are you not in the "nice girl's festac Duplex? Asked Ifem to Lucy
" let me answer that "the nice girl is afraid one of her sugar daddy will fall for you,  if that is the definition of true friendship I don't want to know the real meaning of Enemy" Ifem said again.

"knock it off guys,  who is buying drinks,  today is Saturday and we are home,  let's go to Auntie Nana's joint,  maybe we will be lucky enough to find free drinks and peppersoup and I want to practice my Ghana language with Aunty Nana too.  I never get pass "Akwaaba"  it means welcome in Ghana.  You guys know Wayne is half Ghana "

" This is so unbelievable,  Excuse Me" Ifem said to me

"YOU are Excused I replied her pulling her up to her feet.🐂

"Ure must you involve Wayne in anything you are doing or saying?  I won't be surprised you have already told him our life histories and the size of our Bras and pants" you seriously need to cut down on your relationship with the guy,  stop letting him shag your brains off!  Jeez  said Ifem to me looking very hot

"Abeg let's go to Nanaville before you start third  world war here ooo.

Wives of Benin Crown Prince inducted to the royal court, conferred with titles (photos)

The three wives Oloi-NErie of the Crown Prince
History was made in Benin on March 30 when the three wives (Oloi N’Erie) of the Crown Prince of Benin Kingdom and Edaiken N’Uselu, Prince Eheneden Erediauwa, were inducted into the royal court of the Kingdom, following the conferment of traditional titles on them.

The ceremony which took place at Uselu, his temporary abode, amidst pomp of Benin rich culture and tradition, was part of the ongoing 14-day Iyan-Ehien rites being performed by Prince Erediauwa.

The first wife, Princess Iroghama, was named the Obazuaye N’Erie, the second wife, Princess Iyayiota, was named the Obazuwa N’Erie while the third wife, Princess Ikpakpa was named the Ohe N’Erie.

The Obadagbonyi of Benin Kingdom, Chief Osagie Utetenegiabe, announced the titles to the ecstatic crowd after a colourful cultural display.

Iyan-Ehien, the highest level of chieftaincy rites which serves as gateway for high spiritual attainment, is supervised by the Ogbe palace chief, under the leadership of Ihama N’Ogbe.

Dear Diary : Lucy Surprised me....

Ifem was entertaining a guest at the sitting room, with me present laughing at every unfunny joke the guy was making, Nkechi was foolishly feeding the guest and his two friends all our food, I was praying Nepa cease light so I can excuse myself and go out.
That was when Lucy made her grand entrance, on pants and Bras only! Lucy is the very tall, very curvy, very thick Plus size. She is built like a rock, a very beautiful breathtaking rock at that, wide hips, very flat tummy, full chest with twin ripe boobs threatening to spill out, endless well tanned legs. And she appeared almost naked that Ifem's flame spilled his drink, his friends looking hungrily at Lucys body.
"Ure, Ifem, did any of you see my Girdle pant? I have searched all over I can't see it, I saw only this" she was dangling a black silky pant and making a small provocative dance with her body, lips pouting, some guys will find that very arousing
"I pulled it here last night when I got home tired, please can you guys check where you are sitting, maybe one of you is sitting on it" she giggled innocently
By then Ifem was searching all over the cushion looking for the underwear so Lucy can take her naked self back to the room.
"Lu go inside, if we find it I will bring it for you" I said to her, wincing at the way her body was dancing, she was not standing still but pacing! This Lucy has the brain of a cup cake! Jeez! She was still standing there watching Ifem's movement, searching for her Girdle pant, smiling and sucking her thumbs like she has an imaginary lollipop.
Nkechi came out with a tray full of sandwiches, she nearly dropped the tray when she saw Lucy, she calmly placed the tray on top of the centre table, then she straightened herself, looked at Lucy shaked her head.
"Lucy your Girdle is not here, I have guests stop distracting them with your fatness, go wear another Girdle biko" says Ifem to her angrily while looking at me.
Lucy was leaning at the Dinning chair now, looking at all of us as if she is daring us to move her, she will slowly raise one leg up to inspect something there then put it down, touch her chest non challantly.
"Come oo Lucy, I don't know what you are working at, but this is not fair, if you have anything against Ifem, why not settle it privately, why this show of nudity? She has guests for Christ sake, I will push you myself if you don't leave now, says a very angry Nkechi.
"Erm..... I will suggest you let her be, maybe she wants to wear the cloth to somewhere and we are sitting on it, we are about leaving anyway, guys let's go" Ifem's guest was leaving with his friends.
I was speechless, Lucy just turn round and marched back to her room, swaying her hips and buttocks, Ifem's guests looking at her like they will tear her up and eat her. Ifem was guiding them to the door, looking drained.
Nkechi was very very angry, she went to the kitchen, came back with a ziplock bag and start packing the untouched sandwiches.
"What are we going to call this behaviour, Ure? Is this how you people live here now? She asked me.
I was about to answer when Ifem came in and burst out laughing, I and Nkechi was looking at her confused, this was not the reaction we expected from her, at least knowing Ifem, lucy's bags should be out of the house by now.
Lucy joined her at the sitting room and both of them were laughing their heads off.
"We planned it Lucy explained to me.
"Fucker was toasting me, won't take no for an answer, wants to know my house, so I planned this little drama with Lucy to show him how insane we all are to get rid of him, only I was not expecting him to show up with two of his friends" Ifem was explaining, I was thinking my plan has failed, Lucy won't come out again half naked in front of three guys but We did it she shouted happily .
"Jeez Ure relax, you look like someone died, Lucy you see why I begged you not to tell her, look at her face, the guy would have known we are acting had Ure known about it, Ure can't act to save her Life!
Chai Lucy you can act for Africa, you are a natural!
They were laughing while I hissed and left them to admire their new found Career.
I felt like a fool, Lucy should be my ally not Ifem's
I Am worried about this their new partnership.

Dear Diary : It wont be bad to part ways with Ifem 2

How could this idiot let Nelson that is Moore or less a Moron pour toxic sperm in her body and impregnate her?  I WILL hate that baby,  I am sure I will.

"Ure don't talk like that, I am also a single mother remember? It does not mean I am wayward or lose" says Ifem to me

"MY Dear you were a single mother in your teens, don't equate yourself with this old woman adding to the world's population by her idiocy, Please.

Oh my Life,  what a day, 

"Ure stop acting like Saint Solomona,  let's help our friend" Ifem said

"please I don't know her,  I retorted,  and walked out of Ifem's room to my room.

I was on the bed thinking when Nkechi poked her head inside and said

"Ah Ure I  heard you are back,  are you hungry? I made some coconut rice, vegetable soup and I also baked cake specially for you,  your favorite White velvet cake,  you can take it to work tomorrow,  I also made peppered chicken,  Munchies recipe,  you know I worked there once,  you will enjoy it.  Let me go dish for you"

When I didn't respond even with a grunt she walked towards me,  her tummy showing evidence of sex!sex! sex! So much that I nearly cried, very big and bulging,  Ifem said she is pregnant but didn't say she is almost due putting to bed

"Ure please I know you hate me right now,  can you just pretend to like me a little,  I am passing through a lot " you can show your disappointment and disapproval after I put to bed.  Bikonu ooo,  Nwanne Mmadu" Nkechi said to me straightening my hair.

I nod then asked her to dish my share,  then wrap it with foil and put inside freezer for me,  I will reheat when I am ready. 
🐏She nod and left.

I made a mental note to find out who is responsible for this, then assassinate him.

I will also ask Wayne for a loan, so I get her a small apartment, I can't stand her staying at my place, playing house Chef, walking around with that Tummy, very soon she will bring her two kids over to join her, and when she puts to bed, the whole house will turn to Family house, I will have none of this foolishness.
Nkechi has to go, call me mean spirited, Wicked,  Witch.
I am past caring......