"Ure come and see your Husband on Television" I heard Lucy shouting from the sitting room.
I rushed out only to see the Footballer Wayne Rooney chasing leather all over the field!
"Hia" i hissed
"Every Wayne is your husband now oo" said Ifem
All of them doubled over with laughter
"Abeg my Wayne is more handsome "I said to them sitting down.
"Is it me or has anybody else notice the way Ure says My Wayne lately with dreamy loving eyes? Ifem asked the girls
"yes oo, Ure is so in love says Daisy
" me too I noticed it" says Lucy
"who is Wayne Kwa asked Nkechi
"see Ure gradually falling in Love with that smallie, after she will deny shagging him, I can't descend so low, boys are boys they are not yet Men, slippers get size abeg" Ifem said.
"Oh please Ifem get a life, conji is seriously calling your name, must everything you think be Shagg? Sex and sucking? if I have shagged Wayne I will tell you girls, what's there, Ifem I am not you abeg, go shagg somebody, your branch manager for a start, Yes Kingsley fucked up but it does not mean my home girl won't shagg again " I said
" "Ure you know me nah, Kingsley is history now, go suck Waynes junior or even breastfeed him joor, hahahaha.
"Ure won't you choose Wayne Rooney over Wayne weasel assuming Rooney wants to marry you? Asked Lucy, with everybody laughing harder now.
"Nne I wish Rooney wants to marry me ooo, ha who no like better thing? I won't wait for him to ask Will you Marry me finish, I will stop him at Will you, snatch the ring from him, put in my finger and say, "Yes my love I will marry you"
"Criminal" said Ifem laughing
"What if he wants to say "Will you check out this ring for me? And you have already snatched it and wear? Asked Daisy
" Or maybe he was holding the ring and he ask Ure, will you pass me salt? By then Ure has already snatched person ring put for finger " Nkechi said
" I will support Ure in this oooo, once he is wealthy I don't care who the ring belongs to, if he is not proposing, I will leave with the ring, go sell am for Mallam at Liverpool Apapa or Liverpool London depending on the location, wetin kwoncern me". Ifem said
All of us where laughing so hard Nkechi's tummy was moving up and down.
"What are we doing at home on a Saturday night bikonu? So none us has a date? I am ashamed oo, even Ure sef is home, where is Wayne? Asked Lucy
"he is out with friends" I said
"Aha I said it, the disadvantages of dating little boys, they will still go back to their mates" said Ifem
"Oh shut up Ifem, I know what you are up to but you won't draw me into one of your silly debates. Yes he is off with his mates, no big deal" I said
"Daisy call Shade abeg let's follow her to Island club or Ikoyi club says Lucy
"Oh no not Shade, I won't go with you girls, that Shade brings out the worst in me"
"Not only you Ure, with her silly bragging, " Otunba Ajose gave me one million naira yesterday, I slept with Pasuma Wonder last week, Eko hotels has new a Lobby now........... mtsheeeeeeew Ifem hissed
"so Shade still behaves like a toddler eh, I thought she married that her guy then, what's his name...... Ermmm.... Chai.. Ehen Dimeji, did they not marry again? Asked Nkechi
"Let me gist you nah, Shade thought her Dimeji was Dimeji Bankole that minister nah, you know she is an illiterate, turns out all Dimeji no be Bankole oooo, hahahaha, Chai I love Oga Nemesis, she thinks life is all about shagging those rich yoruba men that buys her cars" Ifem said
"Ifem stop beefing the poor girl, she buys you Lace materials when she travels out, remember that before you join Ure to beef her " Lucy said to Ifem
"should I call her or not? Asked Daisy
" NO" We all shouted in unison
"YOU know Lu it is an insult to me by saying Shade buys me Lace, what lace? "those cheap bend down select, oshodi oke Lace she picks for dash over there? Tell her to upgrade to paying my house rent then I will worship her and sing her praises, unlike you who she gives bags that have already peel finish. Who dashing Lace don help? Mtsheeeeeeeeeeest mtsheeeeeeew Ifem hissed again clearly pissed. Her face purple now.
"Ifem you know Shade is nice, stop trying to rubbish her because you see Ure and Nkechi here" said Lucy
"And why are you not in the "nice girl's festac Duplex? Asked Ifem to Lucy
" let me answer that "the nice girl is afraid one of her sugar daddy will fall for you, if that is the definition of true friendship I don't want to know the real meaning of Enemy" Ifem said again.
"knock it off guys, who is buying drinks, today is Saturday and we are home, let's go to Auntie Nana's joint, maybe we will be lucky enough to find free drinks and peppersoup and I want to practice my Ghana language with Aunty Nana too. I never get pass "Akwaaba" it means welcome in Ghana. You guys know Wayne is half Ghana "
" This is so unbelievable, Excuse Me" Ifem said to me
"YOU are Excused I replied her pulling her up to her feet.🐂
"Ure must you involve Wayne in anything you are doing or saying? I won't be surprised you have already told him our life histories and the size of our Bras and pants" you seriously need to cut down on your relationship with the guy, stop letting him shag your brains off! Jeez said Ifem to me looking very hot
"Abeg let's go to Nanaville before you start third world war here ooo.
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