Dear Diary : Lucy writes a long letter. ......

I was Watching Discovery Chanel on cable when Lucy suddenly shouted "Thunder fire your papa, Idiot"  and she was typing furiously on her phone.

'Who is Thunder firing for you again this evening?  Is it not better you send Amadioha to finish the job" said Ifem to her

"Who is Amadioha" asked Daisy

"Amadioha is like Sango,  I don't know the Calabar version of him,  They are God's of thunder" I explained to her

"Ure I told you I am not Calabar,  I am from Akwaibom " Daisy snapped at me

" Daisy darling,  Calabar and Akwaibom are the same to some of us,  we can't tell the difference,  you guys use the same tongue twister kind of language,  deal with it. I said to Daisy who was seriously frowning
Lucy talk to us, who is it and what is the persons crime?

"Is it not Michael? He wants to date me again after dumping me to wed that stick of a wife last month" said Lucy

" Wait oo, Michael don reach sugar daddy? Imagine insult, he is yet to buy baby food and his brain is telling him he can afford side chick, infact Sango Amadioha, Thor and Hercules will join hands together to strike the fool dead, Mtsheeew
Hissed Ifem.

"Don't mind him, I am writing him a long letter now, telling him my mind and what I think of his demeaning offer"

"Lu is it not that Mike that said you are too fat for marriage,  that calls you "Mama" when he takes you out and see his friends? Is he not same person? I am confused here. Why reject a woman because of her size, marry the size he desired only to come back and make that same size a side chick? Does it make any sense? I asked them

"Hmmmm, is not good atall" sighed Nkechi

" I said I am writing him a letter Ure, wait and see,  I will read it out to you guys when I am through, nobody should separate this fight because it will not end here,  anyday I jam him outside I must tear his head so he will know who he is joking with"  Lucy was clearly angry and was pounding away at her phone.

"Be reading it out to us as you are typing, though I would have preferred Ifem to write the letter, she writes with anger " Ifem tell her what to write" I Said

"Ok" Ifem and Lucy agreed

"I am so angry I can't type, Lucy hold the phone let me dictate, you type.

"Write to him like this. ......."Michael you just wed your wife, are you tired already that you need a side chick?
Have you typed it? Should I go on?

"CHAI, I made a mistake I sent it to him, said Lucy, wait he is replying me now,  but talk I will type it  but will send all later.

" Michael do you know the reason why we chicks date Married Men? Let me tell you, we date them for the dough, the cash, the comfort the security. That is why a girl can proudly call him her sugar daddy.
A sugar daddy does not have a young newly wedded wife, he does not have toddlers, he does not use his side chick as his therapist where he can report his wife and the choices she makes. A sugar Daddy is trading his old wife for a new exciting chick who is there for his Ego and to resurrect his already dead Libido.

"Wait, hold on Ifem, he just replied, he says he needs me in his life, that he married the lady for his family that his heart is not there, he loves me, he is sorry, he will make it up to me, he said. ....

"Lucy are you reading all those thrash from him? Tell him to go and Die straight , ah ah said Daisy cutting Lucy off, infact continue your typing and send it to him immediately so that as he is reading others will be coming in, he won't have time to be typing thrash to you.

"Michael if you are digesting your evening beer with your side chick you can't be called a sugar daddy
If you turn your side chick to a shrink that helps you to understand your wife's character you are not up to a sugar daddy
If you cannot and has never paid your babes house rent for three years or give her an equivalent sum for business Please you can never be a sugar Daddy!
If you still discuss Pampers, Abidec, Peak 123, Nutrend, Cerelac, Huggies, montessori, ballet, lesson teacher, family planning pills, house rent, fuel scarcity, salary increase with your wife, God forbid you to be a sugar Daddy!

"Ifem you are too much jare, I said nodding in wonder, tell it to Michaelfool..... what is he replying I asked Lucy

"He is typing Ok, Ok, here oooo, lol

"Go on Ifem"

" If you can't afford to buy a car for your side chick, furnish her house or sponsor a shopping trip for her, Please don't bother you can't be addressed as a Sugar Daddy
" If your wife and kids are not financially ok, your family never vacationed outside the country, Michael not in this life, Sugar daddyhood can never be for you!

"Finally if you still Shagg your wife after shagging your side chick same day forget it, it's a no no no,  you are disqualified from being a Sugar Daddy!

"He us now asking when we can see face to face" announced Lucy

"tell him to go fuck himself " I said to her.

Dear Diary : Burning things 2

When I came home after work the same scene I left at Aunty Nana's house earlier today met me at home,  only this time there was Ifem and no Aunty Nana.

"Hi everyone" I said cheerfully walking past them and ignoring the still crying Evelyn!

"Ure you are so heartless, I was told how you attacked Evelyn even when you know the poor girl had her heart broken by someone she has loved and lived with for four years!  That's not fair,  we all know how painful and traumatic heartbreaks can be. The least you can do is to be nice it costs nothing.  She is your friend! Ifem shouted at me.

"Ifem are you high? Are you sure you are normal atall? What is my business with Miss Goody-two-shoes who was stupid enough to let a guy cultivate her farm without dividend for four whole years? Am I now the heartbreak police? Abeg free me. What do you expect me to do? Pamper and breastfeed her? Take her out to dinner?or even go kill Osa's on her behalf?

"Ure you just heartless,  admit it,  don't be feeling fly now because you are dating that little shit,  one day this might happen,  it will be your turn and.....

"That little shit finance and bankroll my life without wasting my mascara,  that little shit respects and love me,  that little shit never weed my farm not to talk of senselessly cultivating it,  should I go on? I was equally shouting back at her

"All I am saying is that you are very wicked and heartless,  said Ifem.

"YOU keep repeating how wicked I am over and over again Ifem,  may I ask you who have once took her "sweetheart's"  toothbrush to a public toilet, washed the toilet with it, returned it safely to the "Sweetheart's" toilet? Then watch him brush his teeth with the toothbrush, while you  Miz Heartful  massaged his back?

"Who once allowed her guy to wash her plate even when she knew is that time of the month? Ans: Miz so-kind

"Who once used her own urine to mix Pap for her father because "Randy Daddy" was screwing outside?

"who once u...... "Ure you have made your point" Jesus! Ifem did you do all these? Lucy asked

Ifem was walking away

"Oh yes,  come back let's discuss wickedness and heartless,  so you know I am still a learner in that department,  My dear Osa is very lucky,  had he been messing with you,  that car will be charcoal by now" I said to her retreating back

"Ure please is OK,  and shut up Evelyn,  what is it?  Said Nkechi

Is Stretch Marks Something To Be Ashamed Of?

Stretch marks Look likes scars/or ugly veins and can be engraved deeply on the skin. They are Caused from pregnancy or sudden growth or sports and also whenever rapid weight loss Or gain occurs, basically they appear when there is not enough skin, or to much skin,for your weight!

Stretch marks are like scars in the respect that they will never completely disappear.

It is almost the number one cause of low self esteem on Plus sized ladies.

Not all ladies have it though, some are so lucky they never get the stretchy even after childbirth, some never put to bed yet their body can best be described as stretch mark billboard.

Stretch mark is A form of scarring generally associated with pregnancy, obesity, bodybuilding, and — to a lesser extent — puberty. They come
about as skin is overstretched, disrupting the normal production of collagen. They first appear as reddish or purplish lines, but tend to gradually fade to a lighter color.

They can appear anywhere on the skin that  has been stretched, in males and females.  But females are majority of people that  have them, but
regardless, they cause most people shame and emotional distress. Some people choose to make the best of them and wear them as type of badge of honor.

A lot of lotions and creams have been projected to be totally effective in removing stretch marks, but am yet to see any prove, some get rid of it through tummy tuck, but they always leave a very ugly permanent scar.

Bio-Oil is the popular cream in Nigerian market for treating stretch marks, though down here we always have two class of stretch marks
(A) The Natural one caused by hormones
(B) The artificial one caused by creams

HAVE you ever effectively get rid of stretch mark?
What remedy worked for you?
Have you ever get rid of stretch mark with Bio-oil?
Share with us, let's learn from your experiences.

Dear Diary : Burning Things.... 1

Dennis brought my phone to me,  I was almost done braiding a customers hair,  The phone started ringing as I touched it.
Aunty Nana's name was displayed on the screen.

"Hello Aunty"  I said into the receiver

"" Ure can you come down to my place when you are less busy? We have an emergency,  please hurry ""

"Alright Aunty,  30mins more I will be with you ""

I resumed the ritual of hot water soaking of the braids then thinking what would make Aunty Nana call me.

I finished in less than ten minutes,  excused myself from the customer, got permission from My Madam to go.

I walked into Aunty Nana's place,  her house girl asked me to join her upstairs.  Aunty Nana opened the door herself and was peering past me as if she was expecting a mob with me. 

Strange I thought to myself.

She lead the way to her sitting room and I was shocked to see Lucy,  Nkechi,  Daisy and a very haggard looking Evelyn. 
"What's going on here" I asked puzzled.

Evelyn was avoiding my gaze and was dabbing her eyes with a tissue paper supplied by Aunty Nana who is also patting her back and mumbling something to her.

I sat down waiting for an explanation,  when I got none,  I started looking at my wrist watch pretending I was checking the time and also to show I don't have much time,  I was impatient.

"Ure you buy new watch? You never wear a working wrist watch,  that's why I ask" Said Daisy adjusting herself to check my watch.

I gave her a dirty look for that.....

"Ure something terrible happened today,  Evelyn  burned down Carl's car this morning,  she met a girl at the house,  she was so furious,  that she borrowed matches from a neighbor and set the car on fire,  when the car started burning and exploded she got scared and ran.  She is here now and needs protection" Aunty Nana was explaining to me,  while Evelyn was sobbing and shedding tears,  then she started wailing loudly,  her nose was leaking too,  the tears ran down her face to meet the nose then the liquid joins her mouth while she swallow some and spit out some.

"I am confused here,  Ivie can you shut up for once ? You burned down a car in a jealously induced rage,  don't kill yourself"  but prepare to go to jail I said to her

That made her wail even more loudly

" she came to the house for sanctuary,  I don't want her to get us into trouble that's why I brought her to Aunty Nana's place,  Carl knows our house,  and that's the first place he will look,  I have already alerted Ifem at work in case she see Carl at her branch " explained Nkechi

" Better pikin" I said to her

"I think we should go over to Carl's place to find out the level of damage and apologize to him,  I don't want to be constantly watching my back, we all know Carl and what he is capable of,  and he knows of our friendship with Ivie,  Evelyn I mean " said Lucy

" Yes is better we disassociate ourselves from this matter on time,  Carl was a cult boy back at UniBen,  Ivie won't go scotfree and Carl might punish us as well " said a very frightened Daisy

" YOU people are just chickens " I said looking at Lucy, Nkechi, Daisy and Ivie. So you all believed Ivie burned down Osas's car?  She fit? If it had happened we would be at her funeral not gathered here watching her enjoy a cocktail of her tears and runny nose.  Ivie tell us the truth did you or did you not burn down the car?

"I... She started sobbing again,  Nkechi have to elbow her hard on her ribs.

"I nearly burned down the car,  I saw the girl kissing Osa I was furious,  Osa said she is his Fiancee and he pushed me out of his house and banged his door.  I asked his neighbour for matches he gave me,  I went downstairs to the car,  I gathered paper,  put it under the car,  light the matches but breeze kept on extinguishing it.  That was when Osa came down,  slapped me and throw my clothes at me then warned me never to cross his Street in my life,  I... I..... I..

"What did I tell you people?  The Ivie I know will never have Liver to burn a toy car" I said triumphantly

Aunty Nana you self know Osa nah,  forget his new name Carl,  Osa will strangle Ivie one hand,  this is not an emergency, to warrant pulling me out from work.

when they were playing love all over the town,  I no tell you Ivie, that this day will come? I no tell you?  Did you listen? No you didn't,  love was shacking you,  I am surprised you did not arm yourself with a shotgun and blow your brains off!  Abeg I am going back to work someone should get her a big bucket to fill it with tears......

imagine! Some girls are fools,,  they will be dating a guy that is not dating them! .

Dear Diary : Today was a good day. ...

"Ure come and see your Husband on Television"   I heard Lucy shouting from the sitting room.
I rushed out only to see the Footballer Wayne Rooney chasing leather all over the field!

"Hia" i hissed

"Every Wayne is your husband now oo" said Ifem

All of them doubled over with laughter

"Abeg my Wayne is more handsome "I said to them sitting down.

"Is it me or has anybody else notice the way Ure says My Wayne lately with dreamy loving eyes? Ifem asked the girls

"yes oo,  Ure is so in love says Daisy

" me too I noticed it" says Lucy

"who is Wayne Kwa asked Nkechi

"see Ure gradually falling in Love with that smallie,  after she will deny shagging him,  I can't descend so low,  boys are boys they are not yet Men,  slippers get size abeg" Ifem said.

"Oh please Ifem get a life,  conji is seriously calling your name,  must everything you think be Shagg? Sex and sucking?  if I have shagged Wayne I will tell you girls,  what's there,  Ifem I am not you abeg,  go shagg somebody,  your branch manager for a start,  Yes Kingsley fucked up but it does not mean my home girl won't shagg again " I said

" "Ure you know me nah,  Kingsley is history now,  go suck Waynes junior or even breastfeed him joor,  hahahaha.

"Ure won't you choose Wayne Rooney over Wayne weasel assuming Rooney wants to marry you? Asked Lucy,  with everybody laughing harder now.

"Nne I wish Rooney wants to marry me ooo,  ha who no like better thing?  I won't wait for him to ask Will you Marry me finish,  I will stop him at Will you,  snatch the ring from him,  put in my finger and say, "Yes my love I will marry you"

"Criminal" said Ifem laughing

"What if he wants to say "Will you check out this ring for me?  And you have already snatched it and wear?  Asked Daisy

" Or maybe he was holding the ring and he ask Ure,  will you pass me salt?  By then Ure has already snatched person ring put for finger " Nkechi said

" I will support Ure in this oooo,  once he is wealthy I don't care who the ring belongs to,  if he is not proposing,  I will leave with the ring,  go sell am for Mallam at Liverpool Apapa or Liverpool London depending on the location,  wetin kwoncern me".  Ifem said

All of us where laughing so hard Nkechi's tummy was moving up and down.

"What are we doing at home on a Saturday night bikonu? So none us has a date? I am ashamed oo,  even Ure sef is home,  where is Wayne? Asked Lucy

"he is out with friends" I said

"Aha I said it,  the disadvantages of dating little boys,  they will still go back to their mates" said Ifem

"Oh shut up Ifem,  I know what you are up to but you won't draw me into one of your silly debates. Yes he is off with his mates,  no big deal"  I said

"Daisy call Shade abeg let's follow her to Island club or Ikoyi club says Lucy

"Oh no not Shade,  I won't go with you girls,  that Shade brings out the worst in me"

"Not only you Ure,   with her silly bragging, " Otunba Ajose gave me one million naira yesterday,  I slept with Pasuma Wonder last week, Eko hotels has new a Lobby now........... mtsheeeeeeew Ifem hissed

"so Shade still behaves like a toddler eh,  I thought she married that her guy then,  what's his name...... Ermmm.... Chai.. Ehen Dimeji,  did they not marry again? Asked Nkechi

"Let me gist you nah,  Shade thought her Dimeji was Dimeji Bankole that minister nah,  you know she is an illiterate,  turns out all Dimeji no be Bankole oooo, hahahaha,  Chai I love Oga Nemesis,  she thinks life is all about shagging those rich yoruba men that buys her cars" Ifem said

"Ifem stop beefing the poor girl,  she buys you Lace materials when she travels out,  remember that before you join Ure to beef her " Lucy said to Ifem

"should I call her or not? Asked Daisy

" NO" We all shouted in unison

"YOU know Lu it is an insult to me by saying Shade buys me Lace, what  lace? "those cheap bend down select, oshodi oke Lace she picks for dash over there?  Tell her to upgrade to paying my house rent then I will worship her and sing her praises,  unlike you who she gives bags that have already peel finish.  Who dashing Lace don help?  Mtsheeeeeeeeeeest mtsheeeeeeew Ifem hissed again clearly pissed. Her face purple now.

"Ifem you know Shade is nice,  stop trying to rubbish her because you see Ure and Nkechi here" said Lucy

"And why are you not in the "nice girl's festac Duplex? Asked Ifem to Lucy
" let me answer that "the nice girl is afraid one of her sugar daddy will fall for you,  if that is the definition of true friendship I don't want to know the real meaning of Enemy" Ifem said again.

"knock it off guys,  who is buying drinks,  today is Saturday and we are home,  let's go to Auntie Nana's joint,  maybe we will be lucky enough to find free drinks and peppersoup and I want to practice my Ghana language with Aunty Nana too.  I never get pass "Akwaaba"  it means welcome in Ghana.  You guys know Wayne is half Ghana "

" This is so unbelievable,  Excuse Me" Ifem said to me

"YOU are Excused I replied her pulling her up to her feet.🐂

"Ure must you involve Wayne in anything you are doing or saying?  I won't be surprised you have already told him our life histories and the size of our Bras and pants" you seriously need to cut down on your relationship with the guy,  stop letting him shag your brains off!  Jeez  said Ifem to me looking very hot

"Abeg let's go to Nanaville before you start third  world war here ooo.

Wives of Benin Crown Prince inducted to the royal court, conferred with titles (photos)

The three wives Oloi-NErie of the Crown Prince
History was made in Benin on March 30 when the three wives (Oloi N’Erie) of the Crown Prince of Benin Kingdom and Edaiken N’Uselu, Prince Eheneden Erediauwa, were inducted into the royal court of the Kingdom, following the conferment of traditional titles on them.

The ceremony which took place at Uselu, his temporary abode, amidst pomp of Benin rich culture and tradition, was part of the ongoing 14-day Iyan-Ehien rites being performed by Prince Erediauwa.

The first wife, Princess Iroghama, was named the Obazuaye N’Erie, the second wife, Princess Iyayiota, was named the Obazuwa N’Erie while the third wife, Princess Ikpakpa was named the Ohe N’Erie.

The Obadagbonyi of Benin Kingdom, Chief Osagie Utetenegiabe, announced the titles to the ecstatic crowd after a colourful cultural display.

Iyan-Ehien, the highest level of chieftaincy rites which serves as gateway for high spiritual attainment, is supervised by the Ogbe palace chief, under the leadership of Ihama N’Ogbe.